Boxes and Rails

Today I went skiing with my 7 year old son.  He is at the age where freestyle skiing is all the rage and we've been focusing on conquering the beginner terrain park.    My technique in teaching him has not been without failure.  I have told him what to do, encouraged him to try and had him watch others ride boxes and rails that he so desires to achieve.  But all my efforts in these tactics have come up with him being disappointed and not learning the intended goal.  Down we go again, to ride up to the top and have another short run at it.  Needless to say, it hasn't

been the most productive use of our time.

                         It was only today when I mustered the courage and demonstrated the techniques (of which I had never accomplished this particular feat before either) in where he really started to grasp the concept.  It was not easy to do but I did it with as much authority as I could.  Suddenly, it all started to come together for him and it came down to the well known adage, monkey see monkey do.  He was then willing to try and not ski past the obstacles. It may not have been smooth his first run, but just like anything with practice it becomes easier.   Looking back, I realized that this has been happening all along his skiing career.  If I did a nice big turn, he did a nice big turn.  If I skied across the run to a small jump, he skied across the run to the small jump.   If I bent my knees to get more air, I observed that he would do the same.  After telling him several times how to turn on a box, he just wasn't doing it.   Demonstrating my own instructions made all the difference and he followed my lead and conquered the 90 degree box slide….and his mom could not have been more proud. 

                         As it is with all successful and good leaders.  It is easy to mimic the qualities of others when we see their success.  We also want to achieve greatness.  Their exemplary character inspires us to become better ourselves.  We will copy what they do, make decisions as they do, and become a leader as they have been.  Monkey see, monkey do - There really is no difference.     Just being around them, brings out the best in us.  However when we have complacent managers, who tell us what to do and talk about theory without making it the reality, we become complacent ourselves. Their actions do not create an appropriate vision of what we may be asked to do and we may not have it in us to become sufficiently impassioned to do otherwise.  

                                Just like I learned today that courage is required in these instances.   It may be the first time we have charted our paths of leadership and it’s inevitable that we may fall.  However when we do fall, we must be able to get up and try again, because others may be watching who do need to be sufficiently impassioned.  They may need to see courage in action.  We need to not only do things for personally victories but to be a good leader and inspire others.  My efforts today were rewarded by seeing the skills and confidence develop in another.  The satisfaction of helping someone, especially someone dear to my heart, achieve their goals.  Sometimes we know what to do and we just need to have the courage to lead by example. 

Say Cheese!

While watching a TED talk recently, I learned the following statistics about smiling.  

• Less than 33% of adults smile more than 20 times a day, while 14% smile less than five times a day.  

The simple interpretation……the majority of us are smiling between 5-20 times a day.  That may not be all that surprising until you learn that children smile on average over 400 times daily. Being a grown up doesn’t sound all that much fun in comparison.  Have we forgotten how to smile as adults?  Are we too busy to remember to do so?   Truth be told we are busy, have mounting stress and are thinking about the many other things we need to do (or Guests we may need to deal with).  However this one expression can increase our attitude throughout the day and we will handle our “To Do” lists with much more ease and efficiency.  The act of smiling has been proven to reduce stress hormones and increase the feel good hormones such as serotonin and endorphins, that we all know and love.  Smiling also reduces blood pressure and is linked to a healthier and increased lifespan.  

Another fact - our brain doesn’t differentiate between a sincere or a real smile, it just knows that we are.  Even when we don’t feel like smiling we should create the habit of doing so.   When you smile, others will smile back. The more people that smile back at you, the more your smile will form naturally and your mood will change for the better.  This simple act of smiling can change our entire outlook for the day, even in stressful situations.   Smiling brings happiness to ourselves and to others and ultimately makes us more comfortable with each other.    

My advice for the day is to google the TED talk by Ron Gutman.  There is an interesting fact about chocolate bars that made me smile.  I’m hoping it will do the same for you.   Enjoy!

"Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” –Thich Nhat Hanh

"Socially Special"

I recently ran into a man fellow that I went out with a couple of times a few years ago. He's cute, he's normal, we connected, and he's a doctor.  We did the congenial how to do's, caught up on our lives and then he said this.

"You are one of the most available woman I've ever met."

Really?  What does that mean?  While I can't put my finger on his exact intention I somehow already feel and know this about myself.  I could be dating three guys at the same time, rotating the guard frequently and yet still not have a Valentines date come February.

The best way to describe myself would be to say I'm "socially special" (this is me being politically correct and not referring to my singleness as a handicap, disablement or retardedness in dating).  Wooing a man takes skills and apparently I don't have them. Another friend affirmed my lack of flirting as the main culprit. He said I don't send flirty texts or a dirty sexts and that is what the modern man responds to.  I know what flirting is but it's just not natural for me.  It's either so over the top which I decipher as witty banter, or the pendulum has swung and I can't think of anything intelligent to do or say to demonstrate I like a man. Again, I'm "socially special" (don't forget the air quotes.....it leaves it up to ones own intellect to determine the meaning just like I filled in the blank with this single mans comment to me).

I believe that weaknesses can become strengths.  In doing so I must first identity the weakness.  Check.   Then I must practice and after 10,000 hours I will have become an expert.  That's a hell of a lot of flirting for someone innately without this quality.  If I were to flirt 8 hours a day for 50 weeks a year (two years off for vacation) it would take me 1825 days or more than 5 years to accomplish this feat.  I'd like to at least have my dance card full before the end of the decade and realistically, flirting 8 hours a day could really put a damper on my financial situation unless I switched to the oldest profession in history.

While practice makes perfect is this something to solicit others to help me in or even prayer for?  Dear God, please give me opportunities to flirt....qualifier....with the opposite sex....qualifier....who are single.....qualifier.....who are good looking....qualifier....who treat me right......qualifier......he could be rich....qualifier....who I can love wholeheartedly to be able to endlessly flirt with.  That's a lot to ask the man upstairs for when the world has more serious problems.

Basically, my goal at the end of the day is simple.  I want to have no plans for the weekend but know who I'll be spending the weekend with.  I want to become unavailable.  Is that too much to ask for?  How do I do it?

Hair today......Gone tomorrow

I really thought gray hair around the temples was just for men.  It's one of the first places we women notice about the opposite sex detailing their age, and often times even upping their desirability.  After all isn't this feature what made George Clooney a better candidate for the sexiest man alive? He wasn't even on the radar during his Facts of Life days.  Doesn't a man look more distinguished in this case, with wisdom ever declaring itself so casually?  Even my older brother doesn't appear his age at 44, despite his salt and pepper state.  But the long and lean fiber, extended from under my sunglasses doesn't make me feel more distinguished when I notice it,  but rather much less desirable as a woman. I know that if I pulled it twenty would appear over night in its place.  Wait...maybe it is a sign of wisdom and experience. 

Man or woman?  Think Jamie Lee Curtis

It is one of many signs that age is creeping in.  Maybe I'm feeling a little down as my morning run was interrupted by knee pain inhibiting completion of a wimpy three miles.  I'm starting to feel that the paperwork for social security and medicare is on tomorrow's to do list.  Yet I wonder why I'm fighting it.  Why can't I own my gray hair, my crows feet or for that matter the extra 10 lbs that endlessly lingers?  Why aren't my thirties the best years of my life?  Why am I not living life to the fullest and grateful for the attributes and signs proving I've lived another day on God's green earth?

More than likely these signs are the constant reminder that I'm single and the preponderance of gray only adds to the anxiety of adding yet another item to the monthly budget.  It'a the reminder that I should always look my best (Never leave the house in curlers!) because I never know when I could run into Mr. Right and that he might visualize one of these gray hairs and cast judgement upon it for bedding itself down with a washed up old hag.

Too critical?  Maybe, but do not confuse my rant with gray hair not being beautiful.  We all know beautiful gray haired women. But for me, they just stress me out.   I begin to  wonder if  the best and healthiest years of my life may just as well be behind me.  I begin to worry that I've already grown old without the love of my life. Does anybody else feel the same?  Am I starting to experience a mid-life crisis?  Do I need to go out and find a hot man and buy me that dream car without passing go?

YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!YES!

(that must be my mother talking from the grave).

and if you were wondering.  I pulled the hair.  At least for my lunch date today.  The consequence may come tomorrow but I'll pretend I didn't notice and feel better today.  

Mile One

On Saturday, I headed out for my morning run.  A paved running trails lays behind my house bordering a nature preserve making motivation innate on such beautiful mornings.  Rows of porches line the pathway and the aroma of coffee permeates as individuals rejuvenate and watch the sun blaze up from the horizon.   A casual nod or hello is standard as runners and bikers are commonplace on the trail, but most individuals aren't distracted from the peacefulness that is easily breathed in with the morning light.

As I ran, the first neighbor I encountered started clapping as I passed.  He must have known the temptation I endured to sleep in even longer that day than I did.  His small acknowledgement encouraged me none the less further down the pathway.  A quarter of a mile later, another individual cheered me on with "looking good" comments.  This salutation admittingly made me run just a little bit stronger as I past.  A handful of houses down, an octogenarian stood exuberantly offering to spray me down with a hose. I giggled and waved him off assertively with my hands.  Did I look that bad or was he the nicest man to ever water fight?  It took me a microsecond when the next passerby retorted that I was "almost there" that made me realize I must be on a running course.  Sure enough with one glance behind me, numbered bibs dotted the pathway sporadically. The pressure suddenly mounted to run with more vigor than before.  Shortly, I came upon a sign that read mile 26, Park City Marathon.  I certainly hope I was looking good at mile 1. The closer I came to completion of the course the more exclamation of joyous hoorays I heard and I knew such triumph should be saved for the true competitors and I quickly wondered off course before the finish line.

After I finished my much shorter run, I returned to the trail behind my house.  I watched the many competitors pass and observed how their eyes lit with the slightest acknowledgement of their feat. Some looked strong while others seemed to be longing for another moment in time.  I imagined the old man right around the corner and how his unique gift must bring the must needed relief and gratitude as faces were cooled and distracted in these last final steps of the competition.  My experience running the course made me ponder about the journey we call life and the comparison between the two.  Didn't you know this was coming? Wouldn't it be nice if we received the encouraging word throughout our day, despite each of our journeys being different?  How much stronger would we be if we knew onlookers were routing for us to succeed?  On days, like mile 19, when we hit the wall and feel as if we cannot give another ounce of energy to our tasks, to only have someone give us a cup of water or exclaim with enthusiasm that we ourselves lacked, that we can indeed do it!

These words of encouragement are needed more often throughout our lives to help us retain and regain our strength when needed.  Whether it be from family, friends or even the complete stranger rejoicing and acknowledging our accomplishments.  The world would be a much easier race place.  Running a marathon without support would be even more grueling but yet our lives are far longer than just the 26 miles I am referring to and much more encompassed with hurdles and obstacles along the way.  How often do we feel that we just can't go another step?

I am committed to cheer and rejoice with others, especially those I may not know of their current route along the course. You never know when a smile, a kind word or even a hose down can help another through a moment of doubt or troubled time.  Who do you know who needs just an extra bit of encouragement to continue on the path? What do you know about the people in your life and what they are currently dealing with?  Who will you come in contact with today that needs that kind word? Who can you cheer on today?

....... all because of a Saturday morning run, and the fresh air that freed and inspired my mind for good.